THE CITIZEN BUREAU | 18 SEPTEMBER, 2015
10 'Myths' That Are 'Facts' In North Korea: Kim Jong-IL Invented The Hamburger
NEW DELHI: A couple of days ago North Korea announced that it was improving its nuclear arsenal in both “quality and quantity.” It’s main nuclear complex is now fully operation, North Korea said. Then the country went a step further and threatened the United States; it said that North Korea was “fully ready to cope with them with nuclear weapons at any time.”
Now one may wonder why North Korea gets away with such direct threats when say Iran -- which doesn’t even have nuclear weapons -- is the subject of much debate with the republicans and democrats pitted against each other on the issue of Iran’s nuclear programme. Part of the answer lies in the fact that the Israeli lobby is far more powerful than the South Korean lobby in the United States.
The remainder of the answer relates to the fact that no one believes North Korea. Most experts don’t think that North Korea has the capability to mount a nuclear weapon to a missile that can travel a significant distance. Analysts believe that North Korea currently has about 10 to 15 nuclear weapons, but no effective way of delivering them.
Truth be told, North Korea has itself to blame for its unreliable reputation. Just in April this year reports indicated that school textbooks in North Korea were made to include “facts” such as: North Korean leader Kim Jong-un learned to drive when he was just three years old and won a yacht race when he was nine.
Heck, North Korean news agencies recently confirmed that a “unicorn lair” had been discovered -- the lair, the Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) said belonged to a unicorn ridden by the ancient Korean King Tongmyong, founder of a kingdom which ruled parts of China and the Korean peninsula from the the 3rd century BC to 7th century AD. The report credited archeologists at the Academy of Social Sciences at North Korea's History Institute for the discovery.
It gets weirder. Here are ten ridiculous “facts” that are actual facts in North Korea.
1. Kim Jong-il had a supernatural birth
Move over Jesus. Based on Kim Jong-iI’s official biography, he was born on Korea’s most sacred mountain, Mt. Baekdu. At the moment of his birth, a new star formed and illuminated the sky -- the seasons suddenly changed from winter to spring and a double rainbow appeared. Beautiful but Soviet records paint a far more boring picture. Kim Jong-iI seems to have been born in 1941, in the Siberian village of Vyatskoye.
2. Kim Jong-il is a fashion icon
In 2010, the North Korean media decided that Kim Jong-il’s fashion had taken the world by storm. The rest of the world knows that this never happened.
3. The world loved Kim Jong-il
North Korea has a particularly bad reputation in the world, but the North Koreans are oblivious of that fact. They are made to believe that North Korea is a phenomenally important country, and that Kim Jong il was the world’s most powerful leader. Every country celebrated Kim Jong-il ‘s birthday, didn’t you know?
4. Kim Jong-Il Invented The Hamburger
Minju Joson, the North Korean publication, credit Kim Jong-il with creating the hamburger. According to the paper, the leader invented a brand new sandwich and named it, “double bread with meat.” The new food was meant to supply quality nutrition to teachers and students. Next, a plant was set up for mass “double bread with meat” production.
5. Kim Jong-il was a master golfer
According to his biography, Kim Jong-il first picked up a golf club in 1994, at North Korea's only golf course. He shot a 38-under par round that included no fewer than 11 holes in one. Clap clap!
6. Kim Jong-il never used a toilet
Seriously, his biography states that the leader never used a toilet -- he apparently didn’t need to urinate or defecate. Oh and to add to the supernatural abilities, he could control the weather too.
7. The Japanese stole time
North Koreans believe that during the occupation by Japanese “imperialists” in 1919, time was stollen. In 2015, Kim Jong-un decided enough is enough. North Korea set its clock back by 30 minutes on August 15th. VICTORY!!!
8. Aids, Ebola, MERS And SARS are all easily curable
The cures haven’t been revealed, but fret not, North Korea has them.
9. The Americans are b*******
Is that not a fact?
10. There is no internet
Only government officials in North Korea have access to the internet. The best part is the explanation for why the internet is denied: North Koreans are made to believe that the reason that they don’t have access to the internet is because government officials would like to protect the West’s reputation. Okay then.