22 August 2019 12:18 PM

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A ‘BADHTE RAHO’ MAN | 2 AUGUST, 2019

I Need to Be Fair to be Handsome to be Successful, As Shahrukh Khan Tells Me

Satire


So what do I need to do to join the military? Apply ‘fair and handsome’ cream and qualify? And what if I am dark and the cream does little for my complexion? Well then clearly I will not qualify as in this commercial campaign the good things only come for the fair. And how can you be handsome if you are not fair? Goes without saying no?

And Shahrukh Khan has made it clear that the only way to success is to be fair, a precondition of course to being handsome. And that the woman’s fair and lovely cream will not do the trick, and men now have to buy their own cream to join the ‘badhte raho’ people. For if you are dark then you will not be handsome and that means you will not succeed. Which is perhaps why India is still so poor, with most of our people dark, and hence bad looking and hence unsuccessful.



It is a strong campaign, addressing all of us, in the villages and in the towns. Khan ---I am a big fan you know---moving effortlessly from the wrestler, to the military man to whatever to convince all of us to buy the fair and handsome cream. For Men, of course, as his campaign tells us that if we use the other one, you know, the one for women, it is like painting our nails and wearing lipstick. Wonder what about all those women who do neither, but then I guess they are neither fair nor beautiful. All those women who work, and do not conform to this calling it a stereotype? Well, you do not belong ladies, you have to conform to be recognised.

I see people on the social media making fun of Shahrukh Khan and the campaign. Some say he is not even fair. Just all those jealous, sour grape types. Some ask why he has given his name to this, but then I am sure he will respond that he is at liberty to support any campaign, no matter how divisive or derogatory it might be to Indians. And he is right. He is a powerful actor, and his message is clear for all of us --- use this cream, and you will arrive. My neighbourhood shop ran out if it, but I have bought several to last me a few days. I am using it mostly on my face but also on my body...do not want to look like those with white make up no?

I am wondering whether to become a wrestler , as fair wrestlers have a good time . How do I know? Well haven’t you seen the ad, Khan tells you that so well. Or should I join the military? I will look good in an Air Force uniform. Of course all this is possible after I become fair, that should be soon as Khan assures us. It will not be long before my world changes.

These stupid social media types are also getting angry about the advertisement. Hang up from the British days, we want to be fair like our masters, they say. Some are even attacking Khan for being so rascist. Rascist! Blasphemy! Shahrukh Khan is not being racist, he is just being truthul. In India, wee just want to be handsome. What is wrong with that? And of course to be handsome I have to be fair. And then all doors will open for me. From a rustic wrestler I will become a don in jeans, with the village girls running after me. But to be fair is important here. My elder brother is fair you know, and my parents love him. I am always kept in the background while he is in front. Well now I will soon be up there too….

These fools do not read our matrimonial ads. I do as I want to get married one day. And everyone wants the girl to be fair, and now even the groom should be fair. And handsome of course. That is connected no? Those who are dark, are not handsome. I am repeating the message over and over again, but then sometimes you all are so dense you do not get it. Well the girls have a cream, that again these activist types have campaigned against ---all jealous, and of course dark too---but now we men have our own cream. Perhaps the girls applying in matrimonial columns know that, that is why now they want fair men. Well I will apply soon, I can already see I am becoming fair.

That is not really true, not as yet. Not much difference, but it will happen. Shahrukh Khan does not lie. He has said in all his videos on this, use this cream, and become fair and handsome, and successful. And move forward, be upwardly mobile is how they say it. We are seen by the world as blacks ---well now the world will have to change its assessment, as we are soon going to join the Whites. We have struggled all our lives, from fair brides to fair grooms, from white being good and black being bad, from ----oh well suffice it to say, Shahrukh Khan has helped open the doors for the Fair and Handsome company and for all of us. If he earns loads of money while doing this good act why deny him that! After all even the company making Fair and Handsome is making big profits. All of course working for our betterhood. Girls be ready, I am on my way!!!
 

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