Trumpian Firman- Go Deal With It

If anyone deserves to get an Oscar for pure theatrics , it has to be US President Donald Trump for sure. (With some close competitors nearer home!) Performance politics is a habit that’s a carry over from Donald’s reality television days. He used to be mighty successful in his pixel- performances on television with all his hammy histrionics .

The reel world slurped up the melodramatic stuff then, but the real world is reeling under the onslaught of Trumpian tariff drama. Alas! , currently his tariff diktats around the globe have left nations in a state of hysterics and befuddlement, not knowing what’s “gonna hit them” ( to use Trump’s home grown patois).

What has caused great anguish in India is the fact that Trump and Prime Minister NarendraModi ,who exuded such friendly vibes till the other day, seem to have had a sudden cooling off.

The inherent irony in the narrative that a dictatorship like Pakistan is being enfolded in a warm hug by America whereas a democracy like India is being bad-mouthed over the tariff tussle is obvious to all. And never since Richard Nixon used cuss words about Indira Gandhi (who thumbed her nose at him!) has any American President used undiplomatic parlance against India. And for Trump to call India a “dead economy” and our non-tariff trade barriers ‘obnoxious’ is not kosher at all.

Pakistan astutely figured out that if you give Trump the medals, he’ll be your buddy. Asad Munir’s crafty moves on the geo-political chess board to the Don for the Nobel Peace Prize , along with other deal sweeteners like the oil exploration and crypto offers, have yielded rich dividends. Munir has got himself a Field Marshal’s rank with his adulation.

In a first for a visiting Army Chief, he was hosted at a White House luncheon recently whereas our Prime Minister was almost ‘ghosted’! What’s shameless is that White House is demanding the Nobel Peace prize formally for purportedly having stopped six wars in six months!

What’s more galling is the fact that Trump has slapped a lesser tariff of 15 per cent on Pakistan, as opposed to 25 percent initially (doubled to 50 percent now) on India. Donald Trump is cozying up to Pakistan and making provocative statements like---- “Who knows, maybe Pakistan will be selling oil to India someday!”

The Emperor is definitely pouring oil on troubled waters---Indus included! That’s not the path to tread for a Nobel. What actually led to Trump’s volte face against India is still not clear and there are speculations galore. The threat of de-dollarization by BRICS countries is making an irate Don hurl bricks at them through tariff excesses. So much for promoting the wilful Don full- on with “ab ki bar Trump Sarkar”. As the French would say--- tant pis! ( too bad!).

Lord Palmerston’s famous lines delivered in the House of Commons in 1848 : “We have no eternal allies, and we have no perpetual enemies. Our interests are eternal and perpetual, and those interests it is our duty to follow” are often quoted by policy wonks to buttress realpolitik . This pragmatic attitude in international relations is reflected fully in Trump’s transactional DNA. At times even the WTO rules and agreements are flouted brazenly to have his way.

Trump’s fantasy to be the greatest, bestest, richest human mankind has set eyes on is alive and well. And he is not averse to dropping a friend like a hot potato without any qualms if he is thwarted or criticised. Elon Musk is still smarting at the way Trump dumped him after he nearly emptied his coffers to support Donald during the presidential campaign. His move to Mar -a -lago full time as unelected DOGE((Director of Government Efficiency) was daily and nightly digital entertainment --- better than Netflix. So was the ‘dude-vorce’ after even their brief honeymoon came a cropper.

Prada could’ve used Donald Trump as the King of flip-flops in their recent fashion show at Milan because of his giddy policy changes, instead of hooded models playing footsie with the iconic Kolhapuri chappals.

While the world has been chuckling at Trump being the joker in the pack, he may have the last laugh in actually being the Trump card. He has to win at any cost. A book Trump co-authored with Bill Zanker , ‘Think Big and Kick Ass: In Business and in Life’ (2007)is in full play in governance too.

We do hope and fervently pray at the Altar of Sanity that the jigsaw pieces in the mind of the Big Bully fall into an orderly pattern. Only then can the world breathe easy. At the moment there is a collective holding of the global breath to see where the axe will fall next!

Ushi Kak aka Kashpundit, an author and a columnist, writes satire generally. Views expressed here are the writer’s own.