ANURADHA KHANDELWAL | 18 AUGUST, 2017
FOR MY DAUGHTER...And All The Other Daughters Like Her
As you sit far away in Madrid and ponder over your next step I think about you and how special you are.
Pressures mount from all sides about getting you married and settled is the word that is used. Relatives and friends all ask the same thing. Is she seeing someone ? When I say no then they look askance and think that like a typical mother I am hiding things. But I smile and shrug. Then various offers are placed in front of me...I laugh and joke and brush them aside. And again I get weird looks.
People tell me that I should get you married so that my worries will be over and I will be free.....I look at them and wonder...Relatives tell me that I should put some pressure on you and that the decision should be mine. How are you supposed to know whats good for you is the argument given...And I shrug again.
At one point I started believing all my well meaning relatives and friends. And I started to think in the same vein. But mercifully I bounced back to being me and cleared my mind of these cobwebs. How could flesh of my flesh and blood of my blood be a worry ? How could I settle her...was she a bowl of dust ??? My daughter is a human being with an entity of her own. She has her own likes and dislikes and her own idiosyncracys. She is not my property . She is her own.
YOU are the one who knows whats good for you. No one else. Not even me. Because as Kahlil Gibran the Lebanese poet said :
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
Never were there truer words uttered. Your tomorrows are yours only....of which neither me nor any of my relatives or friends will be able to see.
So how can we decide your tomorrows ? And promise you a rosy future ?
There are daughters and then there are daughters ! Some want to get married becoz for them its their anchor and they dont consider it shackles. For them marriage is good..no in fact it is great. They will go through life very happy in their domestic world raising children and discussing school, servants house clothes jewelry cars holidays etc. Which is fine.
For some a marriage will be an irksome interlude in which to have babies and then continue their fabulous careers. So that they can be smug about the fact that they have experienced motherhood. Then again for some marriage will be the magic door that will lead them out of their humdrum existence and fill their life with rainbow colors.
And many will just be sacrificed at the altar of matrimony without even knowing there is another way to live. Some will get married and will find the shackles tightening and the burden will be something they will live with. Many will be happy in matrimony too...just plain simple happy in the little joys of life.
But there are some who are like you. Who want their freedom to think to walk to stare and to experience life in colors in black and white and in three dimensions. For you the world is your home.
And the journey of life will take you around the globe where every place will be a home for you. Do not let the barriers of race and religion , color and culture ever come between you and your experiencing it all. Talk to the stranger, help the old lady, smile at the sad person sitting in a cafe, sing along loud ...People are the same all over. There will be some bad experiences too but the good will far outweigh the bad. You will make friends for life.And if you chance upon a soulmate and want to tie the knot do so. We will be happy and all the wagging tongues will finally breathe a sigh of relief and say ..finally settle ho gayi !!!
Remember to always listen to the little voice inside you. Its your own inner voice telling you the right thing. Listen to your heart . Listen to your body. Listen to the Universe. You will never go wrong. Sit by yourself alone and feel a one ness with your own being. Let the world chatter...coz thats what the world does. YOU listen to the silence within you and you will find your answers. Its all there for you. And only YOU can unlock the magic of being YOU ! Be honest with yourself, to yourself and others around you. And dont ever take yourself seriously. Just be glad that you are you and there is no one else like you. And for heavens sake dont think too much about the morrow...coz Que sera sera whatever will be will be. Live in the moment and revel in the fact that you are alive and kicking.
Walk on the clouds, dance barefoot in the rain, lean over the edge. gasp in disbelief, stare in awe, shiver in delight, run with the wolves,dare to dream, feel the sand between your toes , and the tug of the waves, stand on top of a mountain and look up and feel you can catch a star, climb a tree and sit on a branch and hear the leaves whispering, talk to yourself once in a while, encourage yourself and sing a song at the top of your voice and hear it echo back, feel your nose go cold in the snow and your hands numb, feel the ache in your heart and the tiredness in your shoulders, cry till there is nothing more to cry for, laugh as if there is no tomorrow, and LIVE becoz kal ho na ho. Make your life such a life that it will be fulfilling and enriched. And your heart will be filled with warm memories always. Walk hand in hand with yourself and revel in the alone ness.
And walk with your head high and your values grounded. Smell the aromas of food, the scents of the season, and the perfume of human kindness. Watch the green grass change colors as your travel and smile with the flowers as they nod their heads in the breeze ,whoosh a dandelion, make a bracelet of daisies...
feel the dew on your bare feet and the wind beneath your wings !! And the song in your being .
Do it all and then go do it again ! Jaa Simran jaa apni zindagi jee le !