‘I will make Daddy’s phone buy an iPad for me,’ said Happy
A loud banging woke me the other day from my afternoon siesta. The one my office doesn’t know I take almost daily. I call it the Cost of Working from Home. I opened the door and an avalanche of kids fell on me - kids of all shapes and sizes, mostly aged 6 to 8. They all waved their IPhones at me and screamed “Uncle, we need your helllllpppppppp!”
Now, anyone who knows me knows that I am neither the Uncle sort nor the Good Samaritan. I even turn down Mrs Braganza and Sarla Bhen, both of whom are fond of borrowing milk, tea, sugar, salt and other assorted items that are going out of reach even for a person of means.
Now when they turn up I plead, “Modiji - petrol diesel price going up - can’t afford..”
Clearly word of my unhelpful and miserly nature had not reached these kids. I pulled myself together. But before I could find my assertive tone, I was drowned in a volley of requests.
“Uncle, I want to know what sums will appear in my arithmetic exam tomorrow,” asked Farhan, who is seldom spotted without a hockey stick.
“Uncle, I want to know if Tinku likes me more or Pinky more,” asked Meenu, whose best friend is her hairbrush.
“Uncle, I want to know what gift Daddy will give me for my birthday,” asked Happy, who has perfected the “I’m hungry” look at every Aunty's door.
“Uncle, I want to know why Daddy goes to Sarla Aunty's house every day,” asked Bittu, the one with an inquiring mind.
“Uncle, I want to know when Mummy will miss the 5,000 rupees I took from her purse,” asked Krish, the budding entrepreneur.
“Uncle, I want Sunny to be thrown out of school for copying,” said Jeejee, the righteous one. Sunny is Mrs Braganza’s son and quite the pest, often caught peeking up a myriad skirts.
Before I could recover from the planned onslaught, they screamed in chorus, “Uncle, please put Pegasus on our phones!!!”
Now, I am not the brightest at siesta time. Who was Pegasus? A new neighbour I hadn’t heard of yet? A new Justin Mumblin song?
Krish, the capitalist thief, filled me in. “Dad says that Gormint knows everything. Because they have Pegasus on their phone.”
“Yes, they can know what their enemies are doing all the time,” said Jeejee, with Sunny firmly in her sights.
“Mummy can then watch what Daddy is doing with Sarla Aunty every day,” said the thoughtful Bittu.
“I will make bad smileys go from Pinky to Tinku, so he begins to hate her,” said Meenu deviously.
“I will make Daddy’s phone buy an iPad for me,” said Happy, not to be outdone.
“And I will make Karan Sir give me full marks in Arithmetic,” said Farhan, getting the plot.
Seeing that I was still dazed with this Cold-War like chatter, Krish looked at me cunningly.
“Help us download Pegasus on our phones, and we’ll make sure that Sarla Aunty and Braganza Aunty never bother you again!”