Cosmic Jab Stuns Beijing

While the world and India were busy fighting the China Virus and Indian politicians sounded the conch for elections with virtual rallies, a journalist (code name ‘Om’ - Our Man) made a startling discovery that would pale the feat of Columbus in finding America.

It is not known whether the expedition by Om was on behest of China, Pakistan, India, the United Nations or all combined because loyalties, friendships and affiliations are dynamic in this century – recall Rabinder Singh, joint secretary in R&AW had defected to the US in 2004 after being honey-trapped by the CIA.

Believe it or not, Om claims he visited Galwan though he won’t disclose whether he stole a ride aboard a Chinese hypersonic vehicle or smuggled himself in the back of an Indian tank. But the mere fact that he managed a secret solo expedition to the scene of action between two mighty armies proves his extraordinary credentials; zeal, bravery, stealth and special mission capabilities, evading detection by both armies, duping even satellites who thought he was an ibex. No Indian or foreign media even got a whiff of his trip as Om went in and out.

Recipients of McGregor Medal would envy Om’s extraordinary achievement. The UN would never have witnessed anyone with such sterling zest for peace who would throw himself right inside the battle zone with complete disregard to personal safety. Even former Prime Minister Manhohan Singh questing for a pace prize by making India vacate Siachen had not an iota of personal danger, leave aside the magnitude of perils Om exposed himself to.

This was more like barging into the P-4 lab in Wuhan without a mask when Xi Jinping was pressing the release button for bio-attacking the world. Wonder if UN Secretary General António Guterres is aware of Om’s stupendous feat.

On return from his mission, what Om told the media on June 12 would take the wind out of your sails. His methodical point to point discovery has uncovered that this whole humbug about standoff in Galwan is a hoax of the paid media – which he loathes.

Most importantly he says with complete authority vested in him by the ‘Unknown’, “The Chinese have not crossed the LAC in Galwan. They are on their side of the LAC and we are on our side.” What a great find. Any wonder Americans pulled down the statue of Columbus? The excellent part is that none of the so-called satellite imagery interpreters at home or abroad leave aside scholars could best this degree of clinical research.

But once you recover from the shock of this remarkable discovery, you need to examine its full import. You will find that in Galawan area, the two armies prohibited by COVID-19 could not even shake hands – just exchanged Namastey and Ni How Ma from a distance and returned home.

The military-to-military talks that media keeps talking about are primarily to discuss joint events to celebrate 70 years of diplomatic relations and noodle-eating, mahjong and kabaddi competition astride the entire length of the LAC; the very purpose for which both armies are fully mobilized. And yes, ‘fingers’ of Pangong Tso are being discussed while adhering strictly to social distancing. But the chai-pakori on the India side and mao tai with fried cockroaches on the Chinese side is definitely promoting Hindi-Chini Bhai Bhai.

When China’s Hua Chunying told reporters on June 11 that China had reached “positive consensus” with India over resolving the border tensions following “effective communications” through diplomatic and military channels, she purposely hid the identity of Om who is the sole reason for this breakthrough.

China’s ‘Friendship Medal’ is bestowed on foreigners who have made outstanding contributions to China's socialist modernization, the promotion of exchange and cooperation between China and foreign countries, and the protection of world peace. Till date only eight foreigners have been conferred this award by China – two from Russia and one each from Kazakhstan, Cuba, Thailand, Tanzania, France and Canada.

Om is certain to be rewarded the Friendship Medal with his contribution to India-China camaraderie, saving the dipping Chinese economy the costs of conflict and in effect promoting world peace.

One likely spin off could be that with the award of Friendship Medal to Om – first Indian recipient, Pakistan’s Imran Khan may go into depression, rue all the buttering done to Beijing that has gone in vain. He might even resign and go join the fight for independent Pashtunistan. With Om’s exploits out in the media, António Guterres is sure to take note and so would the Norwegian Nobel Committee.

Of course India would confer the highest award which readers are aware of. So there is going to be such a shower of medals that Om would end up looking like a North Korean General with medals on both coat and pants.

But wait, you haven’t heard all. What made Beijing come down on its knees is the cosmic power of Om displayed by shifting all the heights and area occupied by PLA in Galwan to east of the LAC with one click of his fingers. Thunderstruck President Xi Jinping called for an emergency meeting of the Politburo to discuss whether Tibet should be granted independence, with all the strategies like ‘Unrestricted Warfare’ having come to naught against Om’s cosmic power.

Xi has ordered a committee to find out within three weeks whether Om is incarnation of Lord Krishna because this directly impinges on Xi’s plans of world conquest. Such was the scare caused by Om that PLA has voluntarily given a signed document confirming that even on their side of the LAC in Galwan they will only post personnel who are half-blind or short-sighted so that China has no observation over the Darbuk-Shyok- Daulat Beg Oldi road.

India can now peacefully concentrate on economy, elections and COVID-19. But CDS General Bipin Rawat needs to rehash his conservative plan to downsize the Army by 1,00,000-1,50,000. With an asset like Om, isn’t halving the Army in order?

Lt General P.C.Katoch is retired from the Indian Army.